We can legitimately blame a lack of comprehensive sex education on a lot of problems. The fact that so many people walk around either confused about their sexuality or afraid to express their sexuality sucks. We need better education and a willingness to accept people as they are.

For too long, we were told that heterosexuality was the only way and anything else was an “abomination” which is pure BS. It’s the 21st century so most people are well aware that people can be gay or lesbian. But that’s where a lot of what we understand about sexuality stops.

It’s time to get educated about sexuality, even if you’re solidly straight. Someone you know is likely affected by the stereotypes, misunderstandings, and prejudice about sexuality.

For the record, this isn’t everything, but we’ve got to start somewhere.

Sexuality Exists on a Spectrum

Having only two choices — this or that — may feel easier, but it leaves out a lot of other options in life. Sexuality is the same way. If you think the only options are pure heterosexuality or homosexuality, think again. Bisexuality means you’re attracted to two genders (male and female). Pansexuality means you’re attracted to people of any gender identity.

Even those explanations are too broad. Why? Because everyone is a little different and who we’re attracted to (based on gender or other identifiers) varies. Basically, sexuality can feel like a complicated thing, and in the absence of good information, it freaks some people out. If you accept that consenting adults can and should do what they want with other consenting adults, then you’re good.

Bisexuality is a Legit Thing

Bisexual people aren’t going through a phase, they’re not “closeted” gay or lesbian people. They also aren’t greedy, jonesing for everyone they meet, or sluts. Although “slut” doesn’t have to be an insult and some sexually active people (regardless of sexual identity) wear that label proudly. Because of the way some bisexual people are treated, they can be reluctant to admit their sexuality — in straight or gay and lesbian communities.

Here’s the other thing that causes confusion but shouldn’t: When a bisexual person dates or has sex with someone of a different gender, they’re still bisexual. It’s also true when they’re with someone of the same gender. When someone says they’re bisexual, they are. No one else gets to decide someone else’s sexuality.

It’s Possible to Feel No Sexual Attraction

We’re talking about asexuality. Sometimes you’ll see asexuals refer to themselves as “ace.” For anyone who really loves sex and constantly gets turned on by people — strangers or partners — asexuality can be a difficult concept to understand. But it’s not complicated. Asexuality just means a person doesn’t experience sexual attraction.

Even in the ace community, asexuality exists on a spectrum. Some people don’t get the tingly, throbbing feelings you might associate with wanting sex, but they still have sex with a partner. Others are celibate but maintain romantic relationships. And like the rest of the spectrum, everyone has their own experience with asexuality. Ace people can have romantic and sexual relationships or not.

We Shouldn’t Assume Anyone’s Sexuality (or Gender!)

On one level this might seem obvious, but consider people you know or things you’ve said in the past. How many people look at a baby and assume their gender and sexuality in the same breath? “Awww, he’s such a little flirt. Bet he’ll be a real ladies man!” or “She’s such a cutie! She’ll have the boys fighting over her!”

Just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s okay. Think about it — a baby is assumed to have sexual preferences or be an object of sexual desire. That’s kind of gross.

The lesson here is that we can’t look at someone and assume we know anything about them. Dressing a certain way doesn’t automatically mean you have a specific sexuality or that you’re a certain gender. Who you date or fuck doesn’t indicate who you might date or fuck in the future. Above all, it’s a choice to share our sexual identity with someone else. You might be tempted to ask, but stop and think before you do. Why do you need to know and what does it matter?

Does sexuality seem kind of complicated? Are you wondering why it matters when you’re clear about your own sexuality? It matters because we all deserve the freedom to express ourselves fully. That includes who we love and who we fuck.

Even if you’re solidly straight or gay, you might have a friend who’s terrified to admit their preferences for fear of getting hate, losing a job, or being ridiculed by family and friends. Be a good human and educate yourself so that you can be an ally to people who need support. Plus having a better understanding of sexuality makes it easier to educate yourself about sex and (maybe) have a better sex life with more and interesting people.