Handjobs have a reputation for being the thing you beg for when your partner isn’t in the mood for anything else or they’re the thing you give your partner when you just want them to shut up. It’s not a good look for the people involved or the poor handjob which can be an immensely satisfying sex act when done right.

For the record, if one partner pressures another to perform any sex act, handjob or something else, that’s a douche move. If you’ve done it in the past, don’t do it anymore! Whatever sex you have together should be enthusiastically consented to, and if you don’t have that, back off.

But if you’re a person who gives handjobs (enthusiastically, I hope!), and you want it to be better for you and your partner, here’s how to take your handjob to the next level.

Use Lube

A dry hand and a dry penis, with or without pre-ejaculate, might feel nice at first, but once you get some speed going, you’ll feel like you’re about to start a fire. Your partner’s penis isn’t a piece of firewood, and you’re not a match. Add just a little lube to your hand and enjoy the slick glide of frictionless stroking. Your hand won’t get quite so hot or cramped, and their penis won’t burn.

Maintain Eye Contact

Yes, you should look at their dick, of course you should, but look up from time to time. When you slow down, speed up, or do anything else that might catch them off guard, watch their expressions. Eye contact is intense and intimate. Some people find it difficult to do, but if you can, try it. The look in your eyes will add to the heat of the moment.

Ask What They Like

You can ask before you begin or once you get started. Asking doesn’t have to be mechanical. Stroke up or down, slow or fast, and then ask, “Do you like this?” Now here’s the important part…listen to their response. If your partner says slow down, put on the brakes. If they ask you to touch their balls, do it. You’re trying to give your partner pleasure, so touching them in a way they like is key.

Get a (Firm) Grip

You shouldn’t hold anyone’s penis like you’re strangling a snake — unless your partner’s into that. But you also shouldn’t treat it like it’s a fragile piece of glass. The shaft is pretty sturdy. Don’t be afraid to hold on like you mean it, but also listen to the owner of the penis. Follow their lead on this one, too. They know how they like their penis to be touched better than anyone else does.

Try Different Sensations

Most people will tell you not to use your nails or teeth on a penis, and if that’s their preference, respect it. But some people do like a bit of sensation, while others enjoy actual pain. Cock and ball torture (CBT) is a thing for a reason. Lightly raking your nails down their shaft might feel good to some people. A handjob doesn’t just have to be your palm and their dick. It can be, but you can also tickle, scrape, scratch, and add other sensations based on your partner’s preference.

Add Oral

A handjob isn’t required to become a blowjob, but there’s nothing wrong with a quick lick or surprising your partner with some sucking. Suck the tip into your mouth or apply pressure with your tongue to their frenulum (the piece of skin between the shaft and the head). That quick lick will definitely get your partner’s attention. Add extra sensation by letting the cool air touch their wet skin. Again, not everyone likes this, but it can be a pleasant shock for some.

Remember the Testicles

The poor testicles are so often forgotten in a handjob. Be gentle and move slowly until your partner tells you to do something else. Don’t squeeze them too tight or tug on them roughly. The shaft may be fairly sturdy but the balls require a softer touch. If you’re both into it, you can also stroke your partner’s perineum which is the area after the scrotum before you get to the anus. Of course, you can also stroke your partner’s anus, too. If your partner’s butt is one step too far, go with their balls.

The best way to give a great handjob is to pay attention to your partner’s reaction and check-in frequently, asking, “Is this good?” If they give you directions like “Harder” or “Faster” or “Slow down,” listen and do what they ask. Even if this handjob doesn’t end in an orgasm, it should offer plenty of pleasure.