You’d think with an entire history of information at our fingertips, thanks to Google and our smartphones, we wouldn’t believe things that aren’t true. It’s the 21st century! If we don’t know something, we can just Google it, amiright?

Except some things get said so often, we don’t even question it. And even when we do wonder if it’s true, the Google machine doesn’t always give us the right answer. Bad information leads to bad situations and outcomes. Good information, though, means we can make more informed decisions and have better experiences.

With that in mind, let’s clear up some “facts” about sex that are wrong, wrong, wrong. Why? Because when we know what’s real about sex, we can all have better sex. And better sex is always worth having.

Sex is Only Penetration

Anyone else believe the “oral” isn’t really sex BS from back in the day? Sadly, a lot of people still believe it now. When we assume sex is only penetration (penis and vagina, specifically) we leave out a lot of other ways to experience sexual pleasure. Oral sex, blowjobs, handjobs, fingering, mutual masturbation, clitoral stimulation, prostate massage — for the people who enjoy them, all of these things count as sex. Assuming only penetration is sex leaves out a lot of people who don’t have penises and a lot of other ways to feel sexual pleasure.

Butt Stuff Makes You Gay

Being gay is about who you’re sexually or romantically attracted to, not what feels good or gets you off. Liking it when your partner strokes your anus during a handjob or thinking pegging might be fun just means you enjoy a certain kind of stimulation. To get technical about it, if you find that you’re attracted to guys and you’re still attracted to women, you’re not gay, you’re bisexual.

Vaginas Become Loose After Too Much Sex

Too much sex or too many babies stretch out vaginas — that’s the lie we’ve been told forever. The vagina stretches to accommodate penises, sex toys, and babies, but it’s not like old elastic in your underwear. After penetrative sex or childbirth, the vagina shrinks back down to it’s normal size, about three or four inches deep. And no, you can’t tell from the labia (the lips) of the vulva whether someone has a “loose” vagina, either.

Women Get Off During Penetration

Only about 18 percent of cisgender women get off through penetration alone. The problem, though, is that porn and faked orgasms have a lot of people believing otherwise. Women tend to think there’s something wrong with them if they don’t have an orgasm. People with penises tend not to question it if their partner screams loud enough. In fact, most women get off either through clitoral stimulation, g-spot stimulation, or both.

Women Don’t Watch Porn

When we say “women don’t watch porn” we often mean “straight cisgender women don’t watch porn.” And, as with everything else listed here, it’s simply not true. Porn isn’t just for guys who like to watch women get pounded by big dicks or two (or more) women have an orgy with weird backlighting and bow-chicka-wow-wow music in the background. If that’s all the porn you’ve seen, you’re missing out on a whole world of realistic, sexy, sensual, non-misogynistic porn.

Penis Size Matters

Do some people with small penises get teased mercilessly or rejected by sexual partners? Unfortunately, yes. Are people with small penises automatically worse at sex than the bigger penises of the world? Nope. What you do with your penis should only be one part of sex. Use your mouth, finger, touch, and sex toys to your advantage to get your partner off and make them feel amazing. Any issues with size can be overlooked at that point or mitigated with the right sex toys.

Sex Always Hurts the First Time

The truth is, for a lot of people with vulvas, penetrative often hurts the first time, but not because it has to. It’s because the person with the penis is being too rough, going too fast, or not making sure their partner is aroused enough. Or they may experience vaginal dryness and need lube. First time or 100th time, if sex hurts, there’s a problem and everything needs to stop until you figure it out.

Being Wet is Proof of Arousal

While many people with vulvas get wet when they’re aroused, it doesn’t happen automatically. Wetness is a physical response that the person has no control over. Sometimes, they want to be wet and they’re turned on AF, but their body won’t cooperate. And sometimes, they’re not turned on at all or they hate what’s happening, and their body gets wet anyway. This is called arousal non-concordance, and everyone should know about it.

Anal Always Hurts, Too

Just like first-time vaginal penetration, anal often does hurt, especially when you’re new to it. The lie, though, is that it’s supposed to hurt. Actually, during anal sex, if you’re going slow enough and using enough lube, it doesn’t have to hurt. Much like vaginal sex, if it hurts, stop and figure out why. You usually just need more stimulation and more lube.

Only Men Have Wet Dreams

As someone who’s woken up because I orgasmed during a dream, I can tell you that wet dreams happen to women, too. It doesn’t matter what genitals you have or what gender you are. Yes, it happens to people with penises more often, and you’ve got the easy proof in your sheets. But don’t think you’ve got the lock on nocturnal orgasms.

Why does it matter that we separate fact from fiction when it comes to sex? Because the BS we think is true contributes to bad sex and the harmful views we have of ourselves and others. The more light we can shed on what’s real about sex, the healthier we’ll all be — by ourselves and with a partner.