Things can get pretty intense in the bedroom sometimes, particularly if you engage in BDSM play. Being tied up, whipped, teased with hot wax, or even lightly choked are all experiences that will set your adrenaline flowing, and once the scene is over and your orgasmic glow has faded, you might start to feel somewhat worse for wear. That’s where aftercare comes in.

Aftercare is a catch-all term for the measures you and your partner take after sex or play to make sure everyone involved is physically, emotionally and mentally okay. It can be as simple as putting a plaster on a cut or ice on a bruise, or as complicated as an in-depth discussion about your feelings.

The important thing to remember is that’s there’s no right or wrong way to do aftercare. It’s a case of finding out what works for you, and what you need after you’ve been through an intense experience. Here are some examples of things that lots of people find useful as aftercare.

What Aftercare Looks Like

First Aid. This is an important one. If you’ve sustained any cuts or grazes during your scene, they should be properly cleaned and covered. You might also want to take painkillers, or apply ice to anything that’s still hurting.

Cuddles. Bodily contact is a really important thing for a lot of people. It can help them feel grounded, reassure them that they’re not alone, and help them feel close to their partner all at the same time.

Warmth. Your body temperature can drop after a scene as you go from intense activity to being relatively still. A blanket, hot water bottle, or just a nice warm room can stop it from dropping too far. And, of course, there’s the fact that being wrapped up in a blanket and looked after is just nice.

Talking. BDSM play can bring to the surface a lot of complicated emotions. Talking is one way of dealing with these. You can either talk through what you’re feeling with your partner, or just talk about ordinary, everyday things to help give your brain some time and space to process. Either way, talking is very often helpful.

Food and water. When was the last time you had something to eat? Getting wrapped up in sex or a scene can sometimes make you forget how hungry or thirsty you are. And, not to be crude, but sex can often deplete your fluid levels! It’s a common thing to have a drink and a snack as part of aftercare.

Nice things. This varies from person to person, but almost everyone has something that they use to make themselves feel better when they’re down. This might be a toy, a game, a favorite film, or even a song that they like to listen to. Surrounding yourself with nice things can help to lift your mood.

Why Aftercare?

Good aftercare can help address everything from physical aches and pains to emotional ones, but you might be tempted to wonder why it’s necessary. After all, sex should make you feel good, right? If you feel down after playing, doesn’t that mean something is wrong?

Not exactly. Kinky sex is, for lots of people, an extraordinary high. It’s an extreme experience, during which they put their body through a great deal of stress. Coming back down to the real world after something like that is always going to be a tricky process, during which it’s entirely possible that you may encounter some negative feelings.

And, since worrying can compound these negative feelings, remember that it’s completely normal to feel like this. Indeed, experiencing a drop in energy levels or emotions after a scene is so common it has a name. Many people in the BDSM scene refer to it as “sub drop” (or “dom drop”, if it affects the dominant partner).

A drop is a pretty accurate metaphor for the feelings you might have after playing. Just remember that it’s temporary, that it will pass, and that there’re lots of things you can do to help get through it.

Aftercare is Awesome

Aftercare might, at first take, sound a little dull. If you’ve never done it before it can come across as a chore: something that has to be done after the really fun stuff is over. But how you treat aftercare is down to you. It can be a chore if you treat it that way… or it can be one of the most wonderful and fulfilling parts of your sexual experience.

After all, there’s very little better than playing out an intense scene with a partner, baring your soul to them, and allowing yourself to be vulnerable… and then looking after one another in the aftermath. Good aftercare is fun, fulfilling, and sexy, and it makes for strong emotional bonds that allow you to go even deeper into your kinky fantasies with your partner.

So aftercare shouldn’t be an afterthought. It’s part of play. And, if you let it be, it’s a really, really good one.