There was a time, not so very long ago, when I would have laughed in the face of someone wanting me to call them Daddy. It was a boundary, a hard limit, and even the thought of it made me rather uncomfortable. I also had opinions about “the kind of people” who used that term. I was uneducated on the word and presumed that it was inherently problematic. Like so many people, I grew up thinking it was weird and vaguely inappropriate to call a partner Daddy. I would never have admitted to doing it or liking it. Fast forward a bit and oh, how things have changed!

Luckily, such beliefs and misconceptions can change and evolve. I was surprised and delighted when I found my Daddy kink when I discovered BDSM. For me and my partner it was very much a natural and exciting term to honor his dominance and helped delineate our roles. Since then,  I have experienced the term and all the fun, sweet, sexy, energy behind it with a few partners. I have even been a Daddy myself, as a cis woman.

Confused? Intrigued? I get it, it’s a very loaded term and it deserves some explanation and understanding. Here’s everything you didn’t know you needed to know about Daddies!

Cute or Kinky? It can be both!

You don’t have to be a kinkster or be into kinky sex to be into being a Daddy or having a Daddy. It is a role within kink communities but the term “Daddy” can also just be a sweet nickname. For many it highlights a certain power dynamic in which the “Daddy Dom” is in charge and their partner/Baby/Little is more submissive.  Power dynamics like this can be bedroom-only, situational or 24/7 and they may or may not involve sex, discipline or pain. Also, you don’t have to identify as “Little” to have a Daddy. These dynamics are entirely personal. There’s no right or wrong way, so long as partners are consenting adults who are safety and risk aware.

The Daddy Difference

Every relationship is different but overall Daddies are known for bringing a special kind of care to their partnerships. This  often manifests in the form of support, guidance, and discipline. Daddy types are often a cuddly, affectionate and caretaking partner. The sort who checks in and make sure you got home safely or remind you to take your vitamins. Some Daddies’ authority extends further into the relationship, but Daddies needn’t be disciplinarians. “Firm but soft” is a common descriptor of the gentle (or not so gentle) and loving authority that Daddies bring to the table, often coupled with a healthy dose of spoiling or indulging their partner. For many, the interplay of rules, discipline, reward and punishment is a prominent part of being or having a Daddy.

Having a Daddy =/= Having “Daddy Issues”

I hate that this has to be said, but it does: the concept of “Daddy Issues” is pejorative, misogynistic and harmful and has nothing to do with the relationship dynamics of calling a partner Daddy. In many circles “Daddy” continues to be a taboo term and a moniker that not everyone cares to use or is comfortable with. But it’s important to note that it absolutely does not imply incest, pedophilia, or a desire to be with underage partners. Nor does having or wanting a Daddy mean you are broken, damaged, or co-dependent. Furthermore, the conversation around the term “Daddy” is often heavily gendered which is completely unnecessary! Gender identity and sexuality have no bearing on the validity of Daddies or the people who love them. It can be a part of your identity, a description of your role or just a word, that’s entirely up to you!

Daddies of All Descriptions

Photo credit: The Gender Spectrum Collection

When you think of a “Daddy” you might immediately imagine a hyper-masculine straight guy, maybe a bit older, established, successful, etc. and you wouldn’t be wrong, but that’s not the singular definition of “Daddy.” Daddies can be any gender,  orientation, or age and there are no caveats on money, success, education, or social status. It’s a misconception that Daddy types are always men or are always wealthy. A Sugar Daddy (or Glucose Guardian, if you prefer a more gender neutral term for someone who financially supports or spoils their sexual/intimate partner(s)) is a whole other concept that shouldn’t be confused. So yes, a Daddy can be anyone, and anyone can be with a Daddy. Remember: your relationship, your rules.

Daddies on the Down Low

With a taboo term like “Daddy” it’s understandable that you may not think you know anyone who is a Daddy or has a Daddy, but you probably do. It’s often a private term of endearment but there’s no shame in it. Most negative responses are a result of misinformation or a lack of understanding of what the term is and isn’t. Keeping it on the down low or using it only around people in your life who understand your relationship is completely understandable. But don’t let the perceptions of others keep you from exploring the term or the kinks associated with Daddies. Just like any nickname or title, how and when you use it is your prerogative and if “Daddy” isn’t the right fit for your relationship, swap it out for a more comfortable label.

Now that you know a bit more about Daddies, how do you feel about the term? Do you have a Daddy, want a Daddy, or are you a Daddy to someone? It’s not something that works for everyone, but to those of us who use and relish the term, it can be the one and only epithet that fits. What’s your stance? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below and join the conversation.