One person’s kinky good time is another person’s boring, ho-hum, not my thing. Basically, it’s a spectrum of a lot to a little, and we all have our own unique spectrum of what we consider kinky from not at all to holy-crap-that’s-effed-up-no-thank-you.

For the record, to get kinky with someone else, you never need anything more than your imagination and a willing, consenting partner. You can do a lot with your hands, words, imagination, and a few things around your home. But if you’re looking for an excuse to buy a new sex toy or you want another reason to bring it to bed with you, this is it.

Vibrators

There is no specific “kinky” vibrator. Any vibe you love and that feels good to you or your partner can be kinked up. It’s not the toy that makes it kinky, it’s what you do with it. This is a time for orgasm control, so you’ll probably want to pick the one that makes you feel reeeeeally good.

• Tease yourself or your partner on one setting, finding something that feels good before switching to another one or pulling the vibrator away.
• Get yourself (or your partner) to the point of climax and then stop.
• Hold your vibrator in one place and don’t move it, until your orgasms because so painful you can’t handle anymore.

As always only do what feels good to you and stop when it gets to be too much.

Dildos

What can’t you do with a dildo?! Sure, you can penetrate yourself or your partner with it, but what else? Like any other kinky thing, it’s less about the action and more about the intention. What’s the sexy fantasy you’re telling while you play with your dildo?

• Pegging your partner should feel good and be consensual, but it could also be a game of who’s in charge and who’s taking every single inch.
• Try out a threesome when you’re not ready to find a third partner by adding a dildo and your imagination.
• Enjoy cock worship even if you don’t have a real penis in front of you. You can also practice your deepthroating skills.

Butt Plugs

Anal is only kinky if it feels kinky to you. Some people enjoy anal as the “typical” way they get off, and it doesn’t feel kinky at all. Others will feel very daring and bold the first time they touch their own butt. No shame to anyone, no matter where you are on the booty play spectrum.

Putting a plug in your body might feel kinky, but you might also decide to wear it when you go out because that feels kinky. You do you on this one, but don’t forget some booty basics.

• Start small if you’ve never put anything up your butt before.
• Use plenty of lube. Put it on the plug and on your butt.
• Don’t force it. Anal shouldn’t actually hurt.
• If it hurts a little (not raging pain that makes you scared), masturbate a little or ask your partner to touch you so you get off or get close. Your body will relax which may help the plug slide in,

Blindfold

While a blindfold may seem like a “tame” option, especially after forced orgasms and butt plugs, it’s anything but. Once you take away someone’s vision, you can play with their mind. They start thinking all kinds of questions: What’s that noise? What will happen next? Where did that sensation come from? Can I handle this?

For the kinky folk who enjoy mind games, blindfolds are the simplest option. You’ve taken away their sight, and now they’re under your control (consensually, of course). Pairing a blindfold with any other sex toy makes it infinitely kinkier because of the power dynamic between you and your partner.

Clamps

Clamps tend to come in two types: nipple and clitoris. If it’ll latch on to the skin, a clamp can become any kind you want. The purpose is to create a little pain, so not everyone will be into this. Part of the pain comes from the initial pinch or squeeze. The rest of the pain usually occurs when you take the clamp off and blood gets to flow back to that part of the body.

• For newbies, look for adjustable clamps to help fit it to your body.
• Try alligator clamps at first or if you really like pain, tweezer clips, for easiest use. Once you get used to it, you can graduate to other styles.
• The maximum amount of time clamps should stay on is about 15 minutes.

Paddles

Spanking, if that’s your thing, only requires a willing butt and a willing hand. But if you really want to try a kinky toy, start with a paddle. Sure, floggers and whips are fun, but they take more practice. Don’t get me wrong — paddles take some practice too, just not as much.

• Wider paddles cover more of the butt and tend to distribute the sensation a bit more.
• Thinner, lighter paddles produce more of a sting. Thicker, heavier paddles create more of a thud. But even the heaviest paddle can sting, depending on how you wield it.
• Sharp edges have to be watched because they’ll sting, and in some cases, create marks or bruises.
• Soft material doesn’t automatically mean a paddle that won’t hurt.

The key to any spanking with toys is to practice first. Smack yourself on the thigh or forearm so you know what it feels like. Try it out on a pillow or bed to get used to the weight. Do a practice smack on your partner so they can give you feedback on how hard to hit.

Bondage Tape

You probably expected me to mention rope or handcuffs, right? Rope bondage is not as complicated as we sometimes think it is, but it can be intimidating. Handcuffs are easy as long as it has a safety unlock option or you never lose the key (which happens all the time). They also tend to dig into skin and hurt people in ways they didn’t want.

Bondage tape gives you the same outcome — making sure one of you doesn’t move — without the problems. It’s colorful and fun, comes off the skin easily, and holds you in place, which is the point. Keep scissors nearby in case your partner needs to get free quickly, but otherwise, tape each other up instead of tying each other down.

Gags

Another form of bondage and control, gags do more than most people think they do. Like the idea of being the dirty girl, boy, slut, or whatever? You’re not going to believe the amount of drool that happens when you’ve got a gag in. Want to be forced to be quiet? A gag will get the job done.

• Ball gags come in a variety of sizes. You can even find them with breathing holes for anyone who may need the extra help.
• Bit gags are great for keeping someone quiet, but also going a little animalistic or primal.
• Spider gags take away speech but leave your mouth wide open — usually for blowjobs but not always.

Do you need any of these sex toys to get kinky? Nope. But if you love adding toys to your sexy fun or you want to try something new, they’re a great way to play with power, control, and sex in new ways.