Interest in bondage is on the rise. With the phenomena of 50 Shades series, television shows featuring kink, and younger generations busting open the doors on taboos, all things kink look like they’re here to stay. In 2017, a global survey and found that 57% of the women and 55% of men* had fantasies about being tied up or restrained in some form of bondage.

There are as many reasons for enjoying being restrained as there are people who participate in this kink. People do it for the enjoyment of breaking a taboo, a nervous thrill of not being in control, or the intimacy of allowing another person to call the shots.

While bondage does play well with themes of dominance and submission (D/s), plenty of people who aren’t into this dynamic enjoy being tied up. Adding handcuffs or rope to bedroom play can be a simple, fun way to spice things up or play out a fantasy with or without the addition of other role play or rules.

Bondage Basics

Bondage can be done easily, simply, and with few toys. It is one of the easier kinks to get into regarding equipment. A tie, stockings, or anything handy that is soft and long enough to tie around wrists or ankles can be used impromptu. Bondage toys like cuffs and rope can be purchased at a wide range of prices in most adult stores or online.

Just as toys can vary, so can location and position when considering bondage play. One of the biggest reasons people don’t experiment with bondage is because they don’t have a headboard or footboard that they can be bound to. Many toy companies have remedied this issue with bondage sets that attach under a mattress but even without that, you can have fun with restraints. Binding a partner to themselves such as wrists tied to thighs, binding yourselves together, or an all out hog-tie can open your bedroom play up to a whole other world of experiences.

Bondage Safety

While bondage is fun and can be easy, it does require some precautions. On one hand, it would be embarrassing if you were caught handcuffed without the key handy. On the other hand, it could be a matter of safety. Here are some basic safety tips to get you started:

• Negotiate what you will and won’t do (also known as limits) before you start. If you’re trying something like new sex positions, roles, or toys along with bondage, make sure you’ve worked out all the kinks first. 
• The most basic safety step is open communication with a partner. Checking in on the one restrained is key. Ask if they are feeling ok, if they can wiggle their fingers, if there’s any tingling or numb sensations, etc. If there is, move them or unrestrain them so that they can get circulation. This does not have to end the scene but could simply be a queue for changing positions.
• Never, ever leave someone alone when they are bound.
• Watch for signs of lost circulation to bound limbs: temperature changes (cooling), tingling feeling, color change, and numbness.
• Also watch for signs of nerve damage: numbness, tingling sensation, shooting pain – all usually occurring quickly rather than over time and usually in joints and arms.
• Enter into bondage with a clear head. Make sure everyone involved expresses enthusiastic consent and no one is under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
• Like a scout, always be prepared. If you are using handcuffs, have an extra set of keys available. If you are using rope, have safety scissors on hand in case you need to get those ropes off immediately.
• Make sure the person bound is safely secured. Falling without the ability to catch themselves because their arms are cuffed behind them is a safety issue. Fainting is also common.

Why Bondage Safety is Important

My first experience with bondage was some impromptu fun at a club with a professional dominatrix. She was unable to hear me well over the thumping dance music so she told me to wiggle my fingers if I needed her attention (such as to express a safe word that would stop the scene). She then used some leather cuffs to strap my hands to the barrier between the main dance area and the VIP section. Once restrained, I was unable to move around much as she went to work behind me in what I’m sure was a very erotic performance with a flogger.

It wasn’t until a few minutes in that we realized this was not the best idea. I tried to wiggle my fingers but found they were numb from lack of circulation. I arched back to yell over the music get her attention and explained the problem. Immediately she untied me and spent the next while massaging my arms, hands and fingers. I wouldn’t say the scene was a bust though. It was a learning experience and her care for me afterwards was intimate in a whole other way. I share this with you to show that even the pros don’t always get it right.

If a scene goes south, don’t panic and don’t assume that all is lost. Unfortunately, there aren’t many studies around bondage so we have little more than anecdotal information to provide to prevent problems or know when things might go wrong when playing. For best results, do what needs to be done to keep everyone safe and enter into this with a mindset of fun and experimentation.

*Unfortunately, of the 4000 people surveyed, the interests of nonbinary people were not expressed or differentiate beyond binary gender.