The first rule of sending a dick pic (if you’re ever been tempted) is this: Don’t. Just don’t do it. Unless someone specifically says, “I’d love to see your dick,” put down your phone and zip your pants up.

Believe it or not, there are much better ways to get attention from people on the internet. Yes, even if all you really want is a hookup or no strings attached fun. If you’d rather get some positive attention from someone you think is hot as hell, we’ve got a few tips for you.

Send Messages Based on Their Profile

If you got so far into their profile that you could send a message, you had time to read their profile. Didn’t read it? Stop. Close the DM window. Go read their profile. Check out a few posts. See what they’re talking about. Find something that genuinely interests you. (Pro tip: don’t scroll back more than a couple of days or you look creepy.)

Now, open up the DM chat again, and say something genuine. Tell them you like that pic or that they have a nice smile. You may still not get a response (no one is entitled to a response just because they send a message), but you might. And a real message is always better than your penis in this DMs.

Say More Than “Hi” or “Hey”

Ask every woman who’s ever had someone slide into her DMs, and there is one message that always gets ignored (other than a dick pic, of course).

“Hey.”

“Hiyaaaaaa.”

It’s not easy to talk to someone when you don’t know what kind of response you’ll get. I get it. But if you ask a question or comment on something we said or posted earlier, you’re more likely to get a response. It’s in the girl code. We ignore one syllable or word messages from strangers on the internet.

Interact Before You Message

The best way to get attention and start a conversation is to interact before you slide into someone’s DMs. Whether you’re in Fling or Alt.com or even Twitter or Facebook, if you can see their profile, you can (usually) see their posts or images.

Like or comment (with non-creepy replies). Ask a question. Show real interest in them as a person. This goes beyond the “You’re hot!” message. You want to get the right kind of attention right? You’re going to have to stand out from the 100 other guys saying the same thing.

Fill Out Your Own Profile

Before anyone will respond to your comment or message, they’re going to check you out, too. Have you taken a look at your profile recently? If it’s just a blurry photo and a handle that says @ilikepussy69, you’re not going to get much attention from anyone else. Put in a bit of effort, and you’ll be rewarded.

Heard of the guy on Tinder who created an entire PowerPoint to get attention? You don’t have to go that far, but at least fill out your information. Don’t fake anything here. You’re entitled to your privacy, of course, but don’t make anything up, either. Like geeky things? Admit it. Women like geeky things too. Prefer beer and pizza to steak and wine? Own it!

Ask, Don’t Assume

Being single on the internet, especially as a woman, means a lot is assumed. Our attention, our response, and our desire, primarily. When you ask questions, instead of assuming you know the answer, you’ll definitely get the kind of attention you want. Sometimes you won’t like or understand the answer. In a friendly way, keep asking questions and see where the conversation goes.

Be curious. It’s okay to admit you don’t know something. Frankly, it’s refreshing. And considering how noisy the internet can be — especially dating and hookup sites — anything that’s new,  different, or refreshing commands some attention, usually positive. Which is, of course, the entire point, right?

It sounds like effort, doesn’t it? Yeah, it is, I won’t lie. But if what you want is some flirty fun and maybe more, you’re going to have to work for it. The last thing you want to be is like everyone else. And really, let’s be honest, dick pics are never a good look for anyone until they’re consensual. At that point, they’re hot as hell.