Imagine this: you’ve just started dating someone new, and things are going great. It’s the honeymoon stage, when they seem like the cutest person in the world and they can’t do anything wrong. You want to spend all your time with them! Except there’s one major problem: you can’t poop at their place. Even if you’re at their place overnight. Even if you’re there for (gasp) a whole weekend.

If this has happened to you before, you’re not alone. According to a Healthline survey on gut health, 57.2% of American men and a whopping 70.6% of American women feel uncomfortable pooping at a significant other’s home.

Getting Used to Each Other

For some people, this discomfort is just part of a period of adjustment, and their anxiety fades after a few months of dating someone new. For others though, it can linger for longer periods of time. Eric (not his real name), says he’s had this discomfort crop up in several of his relationships, though it’s never been a huge or unmanageable problem. He says, “I guess I’m just weird about bodily functions…I recently started casually seeing the girl I dated in high school, which technically makes it like an 8 year on-and-off (7 years off) relationship and I still leave the room to fart when she’s around. Even in the middle of the night.”

Still, he says he’s never felt like he needed to address it with a significant other because it just wasn’t a big enough deal. The problem, for him, hasn’t been any issue with his partners judging him or making him feel uncomfortable, but rather with his own discomfort about the grosser bodily functions.

Scheduling Bathroom Needs

While poop related anxiety may be manageable for some people, for others it can cause real issues. For Chels, it was symptomatic of underlying problems in her relationship. She says her ex-girlfriend “only ever acknowledged pooping and farting once, and…she implied that it was something I shouldn’t be doing in front of or around her.” That kind of discomfort became a problem over the course of their relationship.

Chels explains, “I never felt comfortable pooping when I would stay with her or when we’d go on trips, so I would hold it until she wasn’t around…any sort of trip or long weekend was a struggle.” She found herself scheduling pooping around times she knew her girlfriend would be out. That kind of discomfort with each other put a strain on their relationship, and made every day activities more uncomfortable.

To Poop or Not to Poop: Potential Health Concerns

So, how much does your fear of pooping matter? And what does it mean for your relationship? Relationship expert Rachel DeAlto says that pooping anxiety is typically “pretty innocuous. We often want to create an ideal image of ourselves to our partner, especially in the beginning of a relationship, but that can continue when it comes to our bowels.” She says that, in general, the problem is a common one, and not a cause for concern. However, “if it’s becoming a problem to the point of a health concern (i.e. you’re going a week without a bowel movement because you’re too scared), it’s time to break the seal and talk about it.”

Doctors agree, holding it in can have real health consequences. According to health experts at Columbia University, ignoring the call of nature can cause short terms issues like discomfort, bloating, and constipation. If pooping at your significant other’s place becomes a regular worry, holding it can cause a whole slew of unpleasant long term problems over time, including hemorrhoids and fissures that may require medical intervention.

Everyone Does It

If you find yourself waiting for days at a time to poop, it’s worth talking to your partner about why you’re anxious. Whether it’s keeping air freshener in the bathroom, running a faucet to cover up noises, or just learning to laugh about it, you and your partner may be able to come up with a plan to help you feel more comfortable.

Ultimately, it’s important to remember that although discomfort around pooping is common, everybody has to poop, even your cute new partner! Moreover, good relationships should feel comfortable and safe, and no one should be judging you for having normal bodily functions.

Chels, when thinking about how things have changed since she and her poop-disapproving ex broke up, says that since that relationship ended, she’s found new friends who are more open and don’t make her feel uncomfortable about her bodily functions. For her, “if you can’t be comfortable with those things in front of a person, then how can you spend a life together?”