From handwritten letters and scheduled phone calls to everyday texting and sending selfies, it is undeniable that the dating scene has greatly shifted in the last decade. With the rise of various websites and apps, there are now arguably more ways to find a date (or a hookup).

With the change of times come along the change of norms as well. Since there are more ways to communicate now, various relationships are being formed online, both platonic and romantic. Sadly, there are people who believe only friendships made online are real and yet look down on long-distance romantic relationships formed online.

Others think “real” relationships begin with starting off as friends or going on a few dates before actually talking about anything remotely related to sex. For me and my boyfriend, sex is where we started.

We Met on a Kink Site

We met at a pretty popular social networking site for those interested in the BDSM lifestyle. We saw each other’s genitals before we talked or knew each other’s names. I was on the website primarily because I wanted to talk to someone about my sexual interests and not be judged for it. I wanted to learn more about what I liked and see if I really did like it or just the concept of it; I wasn’t really looking for a hookup. We messaged each other privately and decided to move to Telegram, which is certainly a much easier platform to have a conversation on. The timer function is particularly useful, especially when sending nude pictures or videos to each other.

Our first conversations mainly involved talking about our kinks. We discussed what we liked, how we liked it, and why we liked it. We sexted a lot and sent each other videos of ourselves masturbating. He’d ask me what I was wearing, and I’d ask him in return what he’d like me to wear. I made him hard at work and he made me wet in class. We discussed fantasies like it was just like any other normal topic. It was very fun and enjoyable as we both got to know ourselves a little better. It was also both our first time recognizing our “kinky side” and we found it refreshing to be talking to someone that is going through the same self-realizations.

Baring More Than Bodies

People often say that it’s easy to take one’s clothes off and be physically naked, but baring your deepest emotions to somebody is being truly naked. In “typical” relationships, when you discuss sex, that’s how you know things are serious. For us, it was when we talked about deeper things that we realized we were getting to know each other beyond the sexual personas we may have. We got to know the person behind the screen, and it was unexpected.

With all the kinks out there and done with, it seems so weird to not be open about the “normal” things in life. It feels funny to have discussed how we’d like to have sex and then feel shy talking about our hobbies and our favorite things. Eventually, we talked about deeper things, sharing pieces of ourselves with one another. We were able to relate to each other on a deeper level so effortlessly.

Communication is Key

Communication was a challenge for us because we lived in different time zones, so sometimes I stayed up late to talk to him or he woke up really early. Still, it feels like our conversations were actual dates, just without the physical contact with each other. Dates are supposed to be time spent knowing each other, and that’s what we did every single day. We talked for about three months before being able to meet up, and it was the most amazing thing ever.

I never thought I’d end up with someone with whom I first started talking with completely sexual intentions. We didn’t expect that being open about our sexual preferences and interests helped us be more transparent about ourselves too. Our kinks were far from traditional, and they were the kind that we never talked about with anyone else. By sharing kinks and fantasies that no one else knew, we were able to share emotional baggage, fears, and life goals that we couldn’t divulge to anyone else. We understood each other in all senses. It turns out, we weren’t just good together – we were good for each other.

Being completely open and vulnerable to each other made us see through all the walls we usually put up when it comes to other people. It was easier to be open about “mundane” things when we got over the “sensitive” topics first. Relationships starting off from sex aren’t always superficial and can actually be a good starting point.