If the only time you’re anywhere near a vagina (or vulva, as it’s properly known) is when you’re about to have sex with the person attached to it, there’s probably a lot you don’t know. And that’s not anything to be proud of.

Not only are the people who have vulvas sometimes woefully ignorant about their own bodies, we also have to deal with people who don’t have a vulva trying to tell us something about it. So while this isn’t a comprehensive list of everything many people get wrong about vulvas and vaginas, it’s a start.

And when you know more about the kitty, it’s much easier to treat it with the respect it so clearly deserves.

Myth: It’s Called a Vagina

The proper term for the entire area is actually the vulva. That includes the outer labia and inner labia aka the lips, the pubis mons (the mound where pubic hair grows), the clitoris, and everything in between, basically all of it. The vagina is the opening, above the urethra, where toys, fingers, penises, tongues, and whatever else go in and (sometimes) babies come out.

Referring to the entire genital area as the “vagina” is wrong. The correct term is “vulva” which is a lovely word, so we should all just use it.

Myth: It’s All One Hole Down There

Forgive me for describing it like we’re all 13, but I wanted to make sure we were very clear here. The vagina isn’t one cavernous opening where everything comes out or goes in all at once. The urethra is where pee exits and it’s a very small area above the vaginal opening. The vagina is where whatever gets your partner off best goes in (if anything at all). And also, as mentioned above, where babies may exit if your partner chooses to have one.

This is also where menstrual blood exits. Yep, we’re talking periods now. They’re a thing. They happen, it’s natural, and they can make many people absolutely miserable when they occur. So be nice, offer comfort if it’s welcome, and don’t be a dick about it.

Myth: Vaginas Get Loose

It’s safe to say that, collectively, those of us with vulvas would appreciate it if everyone stopped worrying about the elasticity of our vagina. A vagina (the actual vaginal opening) doesn’t get loose because someone has a lot of sex or has multiple partners. So can we stop with the sandwich meat analogies already?

If having sex a lot loosened the vagina, wouldn’t someone in a long-term relationship for years be “loose?” But we don’t worry about that, do we? No, it’s just a cudgel to slut-shame those of us with vulvas for enjoying sex.

The reality is that the vagina is able to expand to meet demand. So it widens to allow a baby to exit and, when well lubricated and warmed up, expands to allow a penis, toy, or anything else in, too. “Tight” isn’t necessarily a good thing. For many people, it means their body isn’t ready for penetration.

Myth: Vulvas Should Look a Certain Way

If most of your knowledge of vulvas is what you’ve seen in porn, this one may come as a shock. Vulvas don’t all look the same, and that’s perfectly okay. If you think of the kitty, and Barbie’s crotch comes to mind, you haven’t seen enough vulvas in your life. Some people have very large protruding outer labia (lips). Others are tucked in. And still many, many more people are somewhere in between.

Also, hair naturally grows on the vulva and that’s okay, too. Some people may like to wax or shave their hair off, and that’s a thing they get to decide for themselves. But hairy vulvas aren’t weird, gross, or abnormal. Hairless kitties are one option among many for personal grooming, but they’re definitely not what happens naturally.

Myth: Having a Vulva Makes You a Woman

You can be a woman and not have a vulva. You can have a vulva and not be a woman. Some people are non-binary and others are transgender. Yes, a vast majority of people who are born with a vulva also identify as female (they’re cis gender), but not everyone does.

And if we’re going to decide people’s gender based on what’s in their underwear, what does that say about society? Do you want to have to drop trou to prove your gender? Probably not. (Hopefully not). Why do we expect other people to “prove” themselves to us? Let people tell you who they are, and then believe them. It’s literally as simple as that.

If you love burying your face, penis, hands, and anything else in a willing vulva, you’ll have a much better experience once you more about them. Or, at the very least, not believe the BS about them. Just like every person is unique, so is every vulva. Don’t assume you know anything, and always ask or do a little research when you don’t know.