Pegging, like any other sexual act, is about pleasure and the experiences you desire and crave. For some people, it feels taboo to admit they want to be penetrated anally by their partner. For others, it’s NBD.

But if you’re curious about pegging and haven’t tried it yet, there are a few things you should know first.

You’re Not the Only One

A lot of people enjoy pegging. Women and other people without penises enjoy penetrating their partners, and guys and other people with penises love being penetrated. If you’re worried that you’re some kind of freak for wanting it, don’t. You’re not. It might not get talked about as often as blowjobs, but pegging isn’t as rare as you might imagine.

If your partner doesn’t know much about it, they might not be sure how they feel about it at first. It’s possible it might not be their thing. If that’s the case, you can (kind of) enjoy pegging with butt plugs, anal beads, and other anal toys. Hell, you can use a dildo on yourself, even though it’s not the same as being penetrated by someone else — which might be what you’re craving.

Don’t Rush

Essentially your partner will penetrate a part of your body whose primary function is to act as an exit. The muscles in your butt are very stronger. If you try to rush into pegging without certain preparation, you could get hurt. The best case scenario is that it won’t feel good, and you might not want to do it again. The worst case is that you can rupture the delicate skin inside your rectum.

So slow down. Start with a finger or a small anal toy first. Work your way up to whatever dildo you’re fantasizing about. If it hurts, stop or slow down. This isn’t a race, and there’s no prize for starting too big or too fast.

Make Lube Your Friend

Any anal play you do, pegging or otherwise, requires lubricant. In the beginning, there’s almost no thing as too much. It’s more likely you’ll underestimate how much you’ll need. So add lube to your butt and to your partner’s strapon. Then add more. Then reapply more as you go. You want to decrease the friction and make penetration easier.

The type of lube you need is determined by the type of dildo or other toy you use. Non-porous materials like ABS plastic, metal, and glass can use silicone-based lube. Silicone, jelly, TPR/TPS, CyberSkin, PureSkin, and other soft materials need water-based lube. If you’re starting with a finger, use whatever lube you like best.

Find the Right Position

The most common position for pegging might be doggy style, but that’s not your only option. Missionary, spooning, and even standing up (and then bending over) can work, too. The only thing that matters is that both you and your partner are comfortable in that position.

Experiment with sexual positions. Try one, and if that doesn’t work, try another. Any position that gives your partner access to you can work. Just because you see it done one way in porn doesn’t mean that’s the only way.

Pegging Doesn’t Have to be About Domination

Yes, some couples who enjoy pegging, use it as part of a kinky power exchange. It’s part of their kink, and they both get off on it. If that is part of why pegging sounds like fun to you, great! Have fun. Talk to your partner, set limits, establish consent, and enjoy.

But you can want to be pegged without wanting the power play. Ultimately, it’s a sexual act that should be pleasurable for both of you. Not wanting to add the extra layer of BDSM play is okay. You don’t have to explain why you want it or justify your enjoyment of it. It feels good, and you like it — that’s enough of a reason to try it.

Your Partner Might Be Nervous Too

If your partner is new to pegging, they may be nervous at first. If you’re nervous and they’re nervous, there’s only one fix. You’ve got to talk about it, and you need to be patient with each other. Just like you’ll need to get used to a dildo going where no dildo has gone before, they have to get used to a harness, a new way of moving during sex, and new positions.

Just like you need to move slowly as you explore pegging, your partner may need to as well. Learn as much as you can together. Talk about how you feel. And, most importantly, be honest with each other about how you feel. This is something you’re exploring together. The more open and honest you can be with each other, the better your experience will be.

Pegging may become your go-to thing or it may be something you do occasionally. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. The whole point is to feel good having sex in whatever way that means to you.