Masturbation. Wanking. Jacking off. Flicking the bean. Jilling off. No matter what you call it, most of us do it. It’s a completely healthy, natural way to express sexual need and desire. Hell, sometimes it’s medicinal, helping you sleep or relax after a long day.

But because few of us have ever had serious conversations about it and no responsible adult taught us it was natural when we were kids, we believe plenty of lies and myths about it. Some people have major guilt over something that the vast majority of us do on a regular basis.

Let’s clear up some of those myths so we can all get back to wanking but this time without the confusion or the guilt.

Myth #1: The Ladies Don’t Wank

I call BS on this one (as a lady wanker). People of all genders and sexual identities masturbate. It’s not just a guy thing or a penis thing. Anyone and everyone can get themselves off if they want. And if you believe women don’t masturbate, why do you think we’re buying all those vibrators?!

Myth #2: Only Lonely, Desperate People Masturbate

Do lonely, sad people, desperate for love masturbate? Yes. But you know who else masturbates? Happy people, people with active sex lives, people with a partner lying in the bed with them, and all kinds of other people masturbate. Getting yourself off isn’t a sign that you’re not having sex. It’s simply another way to experience sexual pleasure.

Myth #3: Masturbation Isn’t Allowed in a Relationship

The belief that you can’t or shouldn’t masturbate while you’re in a relationship typically stems from the incorrect belief that our partner should be able to satisfy every single sexual urge we have. People feel defensive and hurt because they believe that masturbation is a sign they’re not enough.

Let me say this again: masturbation is another healthy way to express sexual desire. And also, sexually desiring someone else or something other than what your partner offers doesn’t mean there’s a problem. Sexual desire is often bigger than one person.

Myth #4: You’re Probably Addicted to Masturbation

Most people aren’t addicted to masturbation; they just like how it feels. Can you become addicted to masturbation? Eh…maybe. It’s more likely you’re using masturbation to not think about something that’s upsetting you or face your problems. There’s a good chance there might be something missing in your life or relationship. But it’s not (usually) masturbation that you’re addicted to.

Myth #5: Masturbation Isn’t Healthy

Sometimes this one is presented as “The more you masturbate, the more you’ll want to masturbate.” And sometimes it’s some strange thinking about “draining your life force.” WTF? In fact, masturbation can be good for you. It reduces stress and anxiety, can help relieve headaches and period cramps, and it may help you sleep.

Myth #6: Fantasizing About Someone Else During Masturbation is Cheating

WRONG! People’s minds and sexual desires are complex. We can have a sex dream that features an old teacher from high school, Alex Trebek from Jeopardy, and Miss America. Why? Because our brain process information in weird ways. Would you call that dream “cheating?” Sexual desire isn’t a binary choice between this person or that. Obsessing over someone outside of your relationship is problematic. Thinking of their boobs or penis while you wank isn’t.

Myth #7: Guys Don’t Use or Need Sex Toys

Can you decide you’re not interested in sex toys or you don’t like them? Of course you can. But the blanket “rule” that you don’t need one or shouldn’t use them is silly. A sex toy doesn’t replace a person or mean you can’t have meaningful relationships with other people. It’s simply a tool to enhance your pleasure. You don’t have to be bored with your hand to justify using sex toys, either.

Myth #8: Spit Makes Fine Lube

In an absolute pinch, when you really need lubrication and nothing else is around, yes, spit might be better than nothing. But when you have choices, go for something that lasts longer and feels better. Lotion and soap are common, but buying a good, thick lube to keep in the nightstand or bathroom works too. And, for the record, lube is good for penis or vulva wanking.

We still believe a lot of bad information about masturbation. It’s not something people feel comfortable talking about or admitting they do. No shame in your masturbation habit…or technique. It’s natural, safe, and feels good to the mind and body. If more people masturbated, the world would probably be a better and nicer place.