Depending on your experiences with oral sex, it’s either the best thing you’ve ever experienced or it’s more of a “Meh.” Guys with penises tend to love it with the theory that any attention is good attention (although bad blowjobs are absolutely a thing). Cis-women in heterosexual relationships don’t have a universally good experience with oral sex. Some partners act like they’re at a race or that they’re munching on a literal taco.

If you want to make sure she’s getting what she needs from your oral sex skills, it’s time to take a look at what you’re doing. Does she really like it? Can you make it better?

You can go hot and heavy and really fast for any part of sex, as long as you’re both into it. But when it comes to oral sex, some cis women (women who identify with the gender they were born with) aren’t getting what they need from their partners. And yes, some women fake their orgasm even during oral.

If you want to give as good as you get and blow your partner’s mind in the best possible ways, here some tricks to improve your oral sex skills.

Slow Down

Everyone likes a different pace and tempo during sex, including tongue action. Yes, some women love fast licks and flicks of your tongue, but not everyone wants you to race through the moment. In fact, even people who love speed may still want you to slow down.

It’s called “eating out” for a reason. Don’t wolf down your meal. Savor it. Try long, slow licks up and down her labia. Be gentle and slow with her clitoris. If she pulls your face into her pelvis and demands you give her more or go faster, do it! But don’t dive in like a starving person convinced this is your last meal. It’s okay to take your time.

Ask and Listen

The best and simplest way to improve your sex game is to get better at communicating. You don’t have to be a mind reader and your partner shouldn’t expect it. Go ahead and ask, “What do you like?” or “Is this how you like it?”

Once you get an answer to your questions, the next part is to listen to what she says and do what she tells you she likes. If she needs you to slow down, do it. Is she begging for you to go harder or softer? Do that! Since every partner you have will enjoy something different, don’t assume you know what they like. Ask her — in the moment or before you get naked, you pick — and then do that.

Find Her Hot Spots

Everybody has at least one hot spot on their body that feels really good. When we’re talking about oral sex, it may be her clitoris, g-spot, or even anus. Maybe it’s having her nipples played with while you lick her clit. When in doubt, ask what she likes most. And when you find that spot, show it plenty of attention.

This isn’t an excuse to ignore the rest of her body. But when you want to make her orgasm in a big way, spend time where you know she likes it most. This does two things. One, she gets off which is typically the goal for most people during oral. Two, you’re proving that you pay attention to her and her body.

Stop With the Weird Tricks

Trying to write the ABCs on her clit? Making shapes with your tongue on her labia? Unless you have a partner who tells you they love that weird thing you’re doing with your tongue, please stop. You don’t need gimmicks to eat her out well. You need patience and the willingness to find what she likes.

I don’t speak for all women, but I’ve never been able to identify a letter on my clit. And as someone who prefers constant clitoral stimulation, it’s kind of annoying when a tongue is all over the place down there. When in doubt, start by asking her what she wants and listening to her answer. And if she loves those weird tricks, spell out the whole dictionary if it makes her happy.

All sex is about mutual pleasure. Oral sex is special because the focus is the person getting some tongue-love. Just like you want the blowjob that makes your eyes roll back in your head, your partner wants their version of the same feeling. Don’t assume you know what she likes. The fun happens while you’re discovering what gets her off, and the satisfaction comes when you turn her into a quivering mess.