Masturbating with your partner is a great way to give yourself and each other pleasure with the added benefit of doing something kinky, taking the pressure off your partner to perform, having safe sex, and taking responsibility for your own orgasm.

What is Mutual Masturbation?

The simplest definition of mutual masturbation is two or more people consensually stimulating themselves sexually together. Some say that it only is masturbation if you only stimulate yourself but others, like myself, include stimulating each other as well. The point here is that there isn’t any oral sex or genitalia on genitalia sex.

Benefits of Mutual Masturbation

The biggest benefit of masturbation, even mutual masturbation, is that it is the safest way to have sex. This is especially so if you and your partner(s) don’t touch each other and thus avoid any risk of fluid exchange. This can prevent pregnancy and STIs, making it a great choice if other forms of birth control and safe sex barriers are unavailable.

My favorite benefit is prompted by the fact that you know your body better than anyone else. If you masturbate, which alone has many benefits, then you should have some idea of what feels good to you. This expertise means that when you masturbate with a partner, you’ll have the upper hand (pun intended) and be that much more likely to achieve orgasm.

The same goes for your partner(s). They know what works for them so all this knowledge of self-love takes the pressure off them to perform. You take responsibility for your own orgasms and can simply enjoy each other’s company.

Long Distance Mutual Masturbation

You don’t have to be in the same room to masturbate with a partner. You can pleasure yourself with them on the phone, on a video call, texting, or in messenger. The whole point is to pleasure yourselves together, stimulating each other with your knowledge of what the other is doing with you and with your presence at least mentally.

This all comes with the added kinkiness of exhibitionism. Watching each other masturbate, perhaps helping out, can be a major turn on. It can also spice up your sex life if you’ve been stagnant.

Remember to Take the Pressure Off

While I mention performance and orgasm, know that masturbation and sex in general is a very personal thing. Don’t go into any act, alone or with a partner, feeling pressured to perform. Consent and pleasure are the key here and the whole point. What some might find pleasurable and the whole goal, others might consider a warm up.

Many people find pleasure in sex without orgasm. Orgasm itself is not the main goal of masturbation or sex for many people and certainly shouldn’t be the focus if you desire otherwise no matter what this or other articles suggest.

Relax and have fun.

My Experiences with Mutual Masturbation

My favorite thing about mutual masturbation has been what I call cuddle-sex. There are days that, as a stay-at-home-mom, I’m not up for doing much. This sometimes works out if my partner is feeling energetic and dominant. I can just lay there and be subject to their whims, and we can both enjoy ourselves. However, on days that my partner is also exhausted after a long day at work or our chronic pain issues flare, no one wants to be on top. That is when cuddle-sex comes in handy.

Mutual masturbation takes the pressure off of both of us. Neither of us has to put in a ton of effort and yet we’re still having a really good time getting off together. Sometimes we involve porn and/or toys, sometimes we stimulate each other, and sometimes it perks us up enough that we have sex. Other times, we get off, we snuggle, and we fall asleep. Whatever happens, the goal is to feel good and end happy.

Tips for Mutual Masturbation

Mutual masturbation can be a great way to learn what your partner(s) enjoys. You can ask them to tell you what they’re doing and how it makes them feel or simply focus on observation.

Don’t be afraid to involve a few of your favorite kinky things. Share your favorite porn or erotic literature. Try out sex toys together. Sometimes what you’re not thrilled by alone can become a whole new experience when someone is watching you.

Put on a show. Feel free to make this as fun or as sensual as you’re comfortable with. Tease yourself and your partner, discuss fun foreplay kinks like orgasm denial, or make a game of it matching orgasm for orgasm.