Taking your clothes off in front of just one person can be daunting, but stripping down in front of one hundred people?

Whether you’ve already talked to your partner about opening up your relationship, or you’re going solo at the moment, sex parties can be a great place to meet like-minded people and really let your hair down

Your options are broad so look around before you commit to your first event. From niche kink to swinger clubs to private group sex parties – there’s pretty much something for everyone.

Here’s what you need to know and expect before you go to your first sex party!

Sex Party Dos and Don’ts

Do

• Bring your partner(s) and/or friend(s). The more the merrier, and it makes for a nice atmosphere
• Dare to try new things and experiment with things you’ve fantasized about
• Chat with people. You already know that you have at least one thing in common, and sex parties are a great place to find like-minded friends who are into ethical non-monogamy.
• Take care of some basic hygiene before you go. This means having a shower, washing your hair, deodorant, whatever you need to feel sparkling clean.
• Enjoy the experience. Take your time, explore the venue, and relax.

Don’t

• Go to a sex party if you’re in a bad mood. The atmosphere can amplify feelings anxiousness, self-consciousness, or tension. Instead, go when you’re feeling most like yourself
• Kiss and tell. Respect people’s privacy. If you want to share your experiences with your friends, tell the stories of the evening but don’t mention anything that could reveal someone else’s identity (this includes names, jobs, etc).
• Push your boundaries or other people’s boundaries. Consent is important.
• Expect too much. Your first sex party will probably be really fun, but it might take some time returning to the same venue to feel truly comfortable.
• Feel bad if it wasn’t your thing. There are other parties out there, and you might find one more suitable for you.

Before the Sex Party

Check out the venue

Give the venue a call in advance, or check the website. Review the rules, and look the photographs of the venue. Ask yourself if it’s the right kind of party for you.

Does it look clean? Safe? Does it have the sort of facilities you would like – maybe a hot tub, or a bar. If it’s not your thing, keep looking. There are plenty of great venues that cater to lots of different interests and tastes.

Consider your clothing

While we’re on the subject of checking out the venue, check out the dress code. You want to wear what’s comfortable, but you also need to follow the rules, too. Venues vary, but it’s usually pretty obvious. A kink night will often feature a fetish clothes dress code; a nudist spa will expect nudity or underwear/towels.

Wherever you attend a sex party, nudity is generally accepted, or even encouraged, but often in the later hours of the night or in certain rooms of the club.

Think about what clothing you love to wear. Find something that makes you feel sexy and comfortable. You want to walk into that room and feel confident.

(As a side note, corsets look sexy, but they are impossible to remove in the dark corner of a swingers’ club. Clothes that are easy to take off are a safer bet. Same goes for skin-tight jeans.)

Consent, consent, consent

Do we sound like a broken record when we talk about consent? Good. When you’re at an adult party, don’t assume that other people have the same boundaries as you. They might not be comfortable with kissing or penetrative sex, for example. The best thing to do is just ask.

What to Expect at a Sex Party

Atmosphere

The atmosphere of the event tends to feel the same as any other nightclub, but it depending on what sort of party you are attending and the facilities available.

Music is usually played, and can range from pop to rock. The lighting tends to be lower, and there will be private areas and dark corners to explore with your partners or friends.

Sex parties attract a wide range of clientele from all sorts of backgrounds and ages. Guests tend to be open-minded and friendly and are generally looking forward to getting to know new people.

Nudity

Most places encourage nudity. Some parties will have strict policies on being nude at all times or in specific areas.

In social areas, like in the cafe or bar, people are usually a bit more covered up. For men, this means a towel wrapped around their waist, and for women, this can be a towel covering everything or just from the waist down – whichever way you feel more comfortable.

Sex

Nobody is expected to do anything they don’t want to do at a sex party. Generally, people are very respectful of boundaries, and good venues will make sure that people feel comfortable saying “no.”

If you’re feeling apprehensive, keep to the areas that are for dancing and socializing.  Getting down and dirty tends to be restricted to specific areas. There might be beds at the back of the main hall or private rooms to use.

If you’re interested in hooking up while you’re there, talk to people. Be friendly and approachable, and don’t expect anything. Get to know people and see where it takes you. You might end up involved in some great group sex, hanging out at the bar talking to friends, or going solo and enjoying the atmosphere. Whatever tickles your fancy.

Conversation

The conversation at these sort of events tend to be quite personal. They lack the small talk element of the weather and traffic and are often more intimate. How did you meet your partner? Have you been here before? What have been some of your best experiences at this sort of event?

Small talk at a sex party is pretty much the same as in normal life, though most people avoid sharing where they work and other details. Party-goers want to (and should) maintain their privacy and anonymity. Politics and religion is also best avoided. Instead, talk about the things that make you you, and get to know the people you’re talking to as well.

Technology

An unexpected bonus of a sex party: digital detox time. Generally, people keep their phones away in their bags or away in a locker somewhere. Some clubs have strict rules on this. Again, it’s mostly a privacy thing, but also you’re at a really cool party. Enjoy it!

Wherever the night takes you, going to a sex party for the first time can be an incredible experience. You might make lifelong friends, meet a new play partner, or have a great night of hot sex (or, if you’re lucky, all three of these things). Enjoy the experience, stay connected with your own boundaries and those of other people, and get out there and party.