We are finally going through what feels like yet another sexual revolution, sex of every kind is back and the shame has left the building! So, why are we still scared of talking about having sex with ourselves? We have been ashamed for centuries of masturbation, from chastity belts to being blackmailed for an old flick. There’s nothing worse than feeling dirty while getting dirty, so how do we kill the gross and make it what it is…sexy?

Where is This Shame Coming From?

To quote my therapist, we must first recognize where the shame comes from. To go on the more general road, the categories usually lie under:

• Family
• Religion
• Sex Ed programs
• Myths

If you notice, there is one similarity in all these categories. They all partake in our youth. A lot of us are grown into a family which refuses to talk on sexuality in fear of damaging their child’s innocence. Denying the fact that innocence carries the same curiosity masturbation does.

Then you finally leave home only to walk into your smelly gym class to learn about puberty followed by being handed out tiny deodorants (The only good thing I got out of these programs). But did we ever hear about the hormonal urges that would occur once puberty began? Or would we simply be told in grade 10, to wrap our willy’s. It’s one giant jump between “You’re gonna grow hair in weird places” to “Here’s a picture of a blue waffle!”

The lack of education on masturbation forced me to believe this had to be a dirty secret of mine. Only to find out years later, this dirty secret was not just one I shared, but many people kept to themselves. No one was talking about it, not the grown-ups, not the teen magazines we were reading or our friends. It became natural for us to keep this to ourselves.

How Do We Destroy Shame and Start To Come in Peace?

Well, if you were worried about the negative effects on masturbation, you are definitely in the wrong place. Masturbation does wonders for your health, see it as self-care. Masturbation helps:

• Insomnia
• Body Image
• Stress
• Sexual Frustrations
• PTSD victims
• Menstrual cramps
• Muscle pain

Not only does masturbation relax your tensions, it introduces the kind of self-love that is unexplainable. It is a nice way to reward ourselves for fighting everyday. Allowing our body to just ease up and forget about the struggles of our everyday lives.

Knowing the medical side can instantly calm our nerves on masturbating, hence the importance of it being taught. It seems as though everyone is too worried we will all get an addiction to the sensation and forget about making love. When it can totally help out your sex life. There is so much more on what it can do for you over what it can do to you.

Tips and Flicks

Remember, for anything sexual the main key to feeling good is also feeling comfortable. If you need to make sure privacy is granted, do it before sleeping or if you know no one is home between 3:17PM until 5:03PM, you’ve just found your slot. Whatever comfort means to you, find it and do it then.

You want to set the scene for yourself in your taste. Think of all the effort we put into setting the scene for our partner(s), but the lack of effort we put into ourselves. We forget this is fun, this isn’t a job nor is it an actual medical prescription. Set the scene as if someone else did it for you. If that’s getting up and putting on your favorite lingerie or playing your favorite sexy playlist, do it. This moment is to make yourself feel amazing. Embrace the self-love and it will embrace you. Seduction is half of it, seduce yourself and don’t be afraid of feeling sexy.

Now onto actually doing it, you want to remind yourself, you’re not just doing this to get off. This is an experience, you want to feel good the whole time not just seconds before a climax. Going back to the perks of a private session, it’s a wonderful learning experience. You don’t have to only masturbate lying down with your sweats down to your knees, try it in different positions. Such as doggy style, or maybe pressing yourself to the wall. Whatever gets you going, this is your time to discover yourself free from judgement. Come like no one is watching.

Mix Things Up

There’s no need to limit yourself, don’t be afraid to mix it up. There’s no bigger mistake than getting yourself off the same way each time. Your genitals will accustom itself to the movement and become stubborn. Remember to treat yourself like a lover, you wouldn’t just have sex them the same way each time, now would you?

Don’t punish yourself with something so magical. Instead try different methods. Toys are always an interesting and fun way of introducing things to your body. There are plenty of websites and stores that supply these wonderful gifts. And they work for all genders. Your usage on toys doesn’t say a thing about your sexuality. If you’ve dabbled with toys and found you prefer your hand but need extra help check out porn, sex novels, pornographic magazines (yes they still exist!) or the millions of fantasy websites out there.

The Ultimate Guide to Self-Love

There’s no need to ever force yourself into doing anything. You are not wrong if you continue to feel discomfort about masturbation nor are you wrong if you enjoy playing four times a day. As said earlier, sexuality all begins with comfortability. If you do plan on trying after promising the Gods you’d never dare, do your research. Don’t be afraid to have a smutty, kinky, perverted search history, your body will thank you as well as any future lovers.