You have more opportunities to sext with a hottie than you realize. When you’re dating, and even with your local friends with benefits. For a lot of people, it makes feel ridiculous, and they never know what to say or if they’re doing it right.

Pro tip: If they’re responding with their own sexy thoughts, they’re into it.

If you want to make sure you’re sexting right and getting the good kind of attention for it, here’s what you need to know.

Sexting isn’t Step One

The first step in sexting isn’t the actual sext message itself. Doing this well begins with a non-sexy conversation. You’ve got to establish a rapport with the other person and make sure they’re into you first.  If your first message is highly sexual, and you’ve never talked to them before, it’s the verbal equivalent of a dick pic. Gross.

Get Consent First

Okay, so you’ve talked to them, figured out they want to talk to you, and you’re attracted to them. You’re ready to take this to the next level. Get consent before you start sexting. Contrary to what you might think, asking permission for something can be very attractive. Making the assumption they want it without asking is douchey. They might tell you it makes them uncomfortable and they’d rather not. Don’t push them to change their mind.

Ask Questions

They’re into you and you’re both into the idea of getting sexy by text and chat. So what the hell do you do now? Start by asking questions. They don’t have to be overly complicated.

“Can I tell you what I’d like to do to you right now?”

“What turns you on?”

“Do you want to get naked with me?”

Yes, of course, this is all fantasy and pretend, so you’ll need to use your imagination. You can walk through an entire sexual fantasy, line by line, or you can throw out random comments about what you want to do to and with them. But the best way to start is to ask a question.

Admit You Want Them

Maybe you want your head between their legs or their body under yours. You might just want to watch them strip for you or lick them from head to toe. There is nothing sexier than knowing the other person wants you when you’re into them, too. It’s flattering and shows that you’re willing to be vulnerable in a sexual way. Once you tell them something, they might be willing to share how much they want you, too. From there, the conversation may flow effortlessly.

Keep It Simple

Unless you’re both into really complicated role play scenes or dirty talk, keep it very simple. “I’d touch you here” or “Your tongue here would feel amazing.” You’re not writing an erotic novel over here, and you don’t have to. It’s not unusual for someone’s imagination to fill in the blanks, especially when you’re turning them on. Since sexting is just a text version of phone sex, you can even “tell” them what to do. “Touch yourself” or “Spread your legs” or “Tell me what you’re thinking.” All simple things that make a big impact.

Pay Attention to Their Responses

Nothing derails a conversation quicker than a message that’s out of place. Give them time to respond and make sure your answer fits with what they’re telling you. It also shows them that you’re paying attention. And if you’re ever unsure of what their response means, just ask. “Does that turn you on?” or “Do you like that?”

Have Fun

Sexting is a message-based form of sex, and sex is supposed to be fun. If you’re stressing out or worried about looking stupid, it’s definitely uncomfortable. Text a sexual fantasy or be completely honest about exactly what you want to do with them. Either way, as long as they’re still interested and turned on, enjoy the moment for however long it lasts.

A lot of people find it difficult to say sexual things, but writing them or tapping them out with your thumbs is different. Say what you mean and pay attention to your partner. You don’t have to get too graphic (unless you’re both into it) to turn them on and keep their attention. What’s most important is that you let the conversation flow.